David returned home to LA for a brief stay at the weekend before heading back to London to join the English squad. While in town, he spent some quality time with his wife at STK as they joined Kate Beckinsale and her husband Len Wiseman for dinner.

Kate per usual is overdressed…but on this occasion, I suppose you can’t blame her. Not when you’re dining with Posh. There’s probably no such thing as overdressing for dinner with Posh, although that clip-on pony tail might be taking it a step too far. And she really needs to stop shopping at the Chinese Mall.

You ever been to the Chinese Mall? Cheap dresses for under 100? Perfect for the office Christmas party. Not so much when going Louboutin to Louboutin against Victoria Beckham.

Then there’s the stress of eating across from one of Hollywood’s most disciplined starvers. You know you’re the master at the art of malnutrition when you can under-eat every other celebrity under the table. This is why she makes my life. Victoria just keeps giving.

Can’t help but wonder what Kate ordered. Victoria, you see, always asks for the same thing: steamed vegetables. No matter where she is – only Posh would hit up a steakhouse and demand steamed vegetables and nothing else. Me? I’m a meat eater. There is no way I could step out of STK and not have in my belly the finest cut of beef cooked super blue rare.

And speaking of super blue rare – Kate Beckinsale recently said she’d prefer uncooked vagina to uncooked fish. What then did she make of the menu options at STK?

One final note: do the same thoughts cross your mind? Every time I see celebrity couples doubling, because I’m a dirty degenerate, the first thing that comes to mind is: do they swing?

Maybe that explains the rather dour expression on Len’s face. Because Victoria Beckham seems asexual, if not self-sexual. Meaning she probably only gets off with a Birkin between her legs in the shoe department at Harvey Nick’s. Therefore in a swing situation, Len definitely comes out short.

PS. Note that the Beckhams can’t even drive without clutching each other’s hands. Beckham Porn... my 2nd favourite.

Photos from Wenn.com