It’s Lainey. Am writing this during the arrivals at the opening of the Cannes Film Festival. We’re shooting the carpet and I’m laughing my Chinese ass off at Kate Beckinsale. Evidently no one told her Cate Blanchett is coming.

But what else did we expect? The most notorious OverDresser in the business, of course Kate Beckinsale came like a preening swan, of course she brought her hardest Try, of course she doesn’t realise it never, ever amounts to much, and especially not on a night when Queen Cate takes it up everyone else’s ass. Please.

Will write more about Cate tomorrow. There may have been an encounter in a corridor at the Carlton but I need all my faculties to tell that story and right now too many people are screaming, and the photogs are pushing, and that hilarious red carpet French tv announcer is f-cking up the pronunciation of everyone’s name. So I’m distracted. But not too distracted to tell you about this Beckinsale woman and how badly she wants to be Cate B.

I see some Posh here in the face. I see some JLo here in the hair. And, sadly, I also see some Lea Michele in the overall performance. She is a jury member this year and it’s almost as though no one knows it more than she does how truly absurd that really is.

Photos from and and Karl Milan/KCSPresse/