My dear women of Hollywood,
You may find yourselves surprised to be getting this award, for each of you has long, beautiful flowing tresses that you’re known for. You may find me harsh in saying that you made a mistake with your hair, when you have long golden locks, and I have long struggling locks with a bump where I didn’t dry the crown completely enough.
But I am here to implore you: If you wear a dress with a high, interesting neckline – one of those necklines that completely changes the way your dress looks and indeed, takes you out of the horrifying boredom that would come if you were wearing a stupid fishtail dress with a straight-across tube top like everyone else – if you choose this neckline, I would like to see it.
Raise high the tresses, women! Embrace ye the ponytail or updo. Fear not that you will look old. You won’t. You don’t. (Your face does look weird, Kate Hudson, so don’t think we didn’t notice – but it doesn’t look old.)
It’s an extra pain in my ass because I liked both the dresses a lot. Amanda’s is not my colour at all, but the tie-pin was nifty, and it stood up to Anne Hathaway hugging all over it in a flood of tears. (It did not particularly hold up to climbing down from Seacrest’s platform, but I’m willing to call that “beyond the scope of the job of the dress”, I guess.) Kate’s was absolutely lulu, but in the best way possible. She’s one of these women who, while thin, never worries me. It’s just how she is. But the gold plating combined with the long hair, and compared to Amanda Seyfried by me against her will in this article, she began to look kind of mutton dressed as lamb, you know?
As for Seyfried, yes of course I thought she seemed spacey, but she always does.I don’t even notice it anymore.
