While Prince William has been in Zurich with the English delegation supporting England’s bid to host the 2018 World Cup, Kate Middleton went out to a charity event last night in London. Click here to see photos. The Daily Mail is such a f-cking bitch of a paper, non? I love it. They rag on her for wearing the same boots all the time. And if she wore a new pair every day, they’d rag on her for overspending.

Anyway, People reports that Kate was super gracious at the function, representing Them (it’s a royal Them!) in support of one of the Prince’s most cherished organisations the Henry van Straubenzee Memorial Fund. It seemed as though all the training is paying off already. She looked and acted the part, a perfect mix of sophistication and approachability.

As for the upcoming wedding...

Everyone seems to really care about the dress. The bookies think the dress will be designed by Bruce Oldfield. They shut down betting because Oldfield was becoming too obvious. See? It’s always the gamblers who know. Whatever. It’ll be white, it’ll have some lace, and then they’ll shove it into a museum.

I’m more interested in the stag. Supposedly Hot Harry on a Horse is planning the stag. Please. You couldn’t script a better story. William’s final moments as a single man in the hands of his brother? I want to live there. I want to see the drama unfold as he puts a rifle in the future king’s hands and tells him to go kill some animals to commemorate his wedding while 100 reporters stand by ready to criticise, to say nothing of the parade of naked United Nation options sauntering up and down the stairs of some private luxury residence where they will party for 3 days straight, like The Hangover, but royal styles. And at the end of it all, some trick will turn up with Harry’s just discovered bi-racial baby, the eventual ringbearer when Kate walks down the aisle, even though the Queen refuses to acknowledge a child of suspect origin and, even worse, a different colour. OMG. Make this happen.

And if Snoop has anything to do with it, the ladies would be wet the entire time. What? That’s the name of his new song that he’s dedicating to Prince William. Says he wants to be part of the stag weekend. We need this to happen too. We need Snoop to smoke up Wills. We need to see Will’s bong face.

And what of William’s dukedom? There was a story in the paper the other day about not being able to find one easily for him. It’s customary for the Queen to gift the Prince with one when he marries. The problem is that few are available, or appropriate. The article is hilarious. There’s a long list of free spots, only those spots used to be inhabited by assholes who either supported Hitler or embezzled money which have kept them off the Approval List.

Even funnier is the article you all keep sending me about Royal Curtsey Protocol. When Camilla married Charles she was supposed to be quite high on the list of Curtsey order after the Queen. But all the other royal bitches hate her and didn’t want to come after her. So they made up a new order and stuck Camilla in 5th spot after Princess Anne and Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice.

With the new rule, Kate, as the wife of Prince William, second in line to the throne, in theory should be curtseyed to before she has to curtsey to anyone but the Queen. So her mother-in-law might have to bow down to her. But this won’t sit well with an old crusty broad like Princess Anne who feels royal blood trumps married blood.

Kate may be easygoing enough to waive the requirement but that apparently won’t sit well with William who, as future King, will not want his Queen not getting the respect she deserves.

OMG these people and their tight ass pretentions, I love them so much.

Click here if you haven’t yet had the pleasure of reading that article. There’s a lot of detail in here about what happens during a parade and at Royal Ascot and the bullsh-t posturing that happens when all these bitches and their hats ride in a carriage. It’s amazing.


Photos from Pool/Gettyimages.com