Kate Walsh was photographed at the launch for a perfume called Billionaire Boyfriend. Captions referred to it as “her” perfume, but I thought, “No that can’t be right, you are reading it wrong. She must just be at the party or the doing the adverts.” So I kept digging.  Oh I was wrong. It’s not just her new perfume, it’s her second perfume! The first one was called – not surprisingly – Boyfriend.

Kate Walsh is 44. Do 44-year-old women have boyfriends? Yes, of course they do. Do 44-year-old women buy Boyfriend perfume? Does anyone over the age of 20 want this on their nightstand? I hope not. Besides the cheese factor, it’s not a fit for her at all. Her team could have found something more suited to a mature, beautiful TV star. And if she wanted to diversify her earnings, she could have done better than Billionaire Boyfriend. No one even tries anymore!

Fine, I am biased because I think most celebrity perfumes are mostly stupid (except for White Diamonds, which was so hot and ahead of its time). But COME ON, this is getting to be a bit much: a grown-ass woman posing with a “blinged out” (ew!) bottle of perfume that is supposed to make you smell like a man was near you.

If you have a few seconds to hide your face in your hands, read these product descriptions. First for Boyfriend (which has the names of “Kate’s ex-boyfriends” printed on the bottle):

She inhales his shirt, taking in the scent of the man she loves. It lingers on her clothes, her sheets, her hair—all over. Imprinted on her body and in her mind, it radiates within her, filling her with feelings of warmth and desire.

Actress Kate Walsh wanted to capture the scent of a guy on a girl: a man's cologne mixed with perfume, the smell that lingers on the skin. This fragrance evokes memories of that time after he has left for the day—when she gently awakes in a bed that's still warmly redolent of "boyfriend."

And now for Billionaire Boyfriend, which is obviously trying to cash in on the whole Christian Grey trend:

Private jets, superyachts, diamonds and roulette. It’s a dream of wealth and glamour where every whim is indulged.

This is how regression smells, ladies. It’s a scent that says, “Please buy and sell me, you rich and powerful man.” Why would any woman resist a billionaire (millionaires are so pedestrian)—not only should you not resist, you should actively try to attract him because he has a private jet. And the only way to attract a wealthy man is to smell like one. After bedding a loaded old man, do roll around in the sheets. As if you could help it; it’s like catnip to us. Throw in a yacht, nay, a superyacht!, and we are all Victoria Silvstedt.

Remember when unisex perfumes were the sh-t? Attached: Kate Moss for ck one shot by Steven Meisel.