It’s official… Katie Heigl is America’s new Sweetheart. Not only that, she’s succeeded where so many others, where almost all the other tv girls have failed: Katherine Heigl is the TV Girl who became a Movie Star. Because Katherine Heigl has never overreached. She’s content to cater to the MiniVan, you see? As she herself said recently, she has no desire for serious “Oscar-baiting” roles, no desire to become Charlize Theron’s Monster, no desire to fake a British accent, no desire to do anything but chick flick fare. Unlike the Albas and the Biels of the world who seem hellbent on being “taken seriously” as actresses. Bitches… please.

Instead, Katie Heigl makes movies like 27 Dresses – eviscerated by critics for its formulaic premise, and perhaps even a little “sexist” in its own right (all girls just want to get married and plan the dream wedding, don’t they???) but the perfect theatrical offering for the “Shopaholic” the tune of over $20 million and worthy of 2nd place at the box office, the most popular comedy of the year. 

More popular than Mad Money. Much. Mad Money, you see, was plagued by terrible reviews too. But more than that, it was DOOMED by the untimely release of Tom’s crazy scientology cackle – a cackle heard in every corner of every internet café around the world, the consequence of which has been clearly demonstrated at the box office. Mad Money tanked. Despite adoration of the MiniVan Majority and its corresponding baby fever, KatE Holmes and Mad Money ate sh*t. 

Which just goes to show… even baby fever can’t make the MiniVan worship the Xenu.

Oh Xenu! Are you mad??? 

Mad Xenu…where will you exact your revenge? It is coming y’all… chills, chills, chills. 

Finally, here’s Katie Heigl out and about in hot grey leather jacket in NYC celebrating all the wonderfulness coming out of her ass. You know I can’t stand her smug mouth but I will say this – at least she loves being photographed and isn’t afraid to hide it. At least she isn’t all faux-grumpy for the paps. 

The girl has a plan. She wants to be popular. She wants to have her picture taken, even when she’s smoking. Better this than the belligerent brats who pretend otherwise.

photos from