The dress was gorgeous. And from the neck down, she looked gorgeous in it. But someone got a case of Dirty Face and it erupted at the worst time, screwing up an otherwise lovely homage to old Hollywood.

Same could not be said however of what happened on stage.

What happened on stage is that Heigl needs to SIT THE F&CK DOWN.

Do I care if she’s nervous? Do I need her to apologise for being nervous? Does it need to be about her? Do we need to be reminded it’s her first trip to the Oscars so she’s all crippled with anxiety? Are you the centre of the f&cking universe???

Read the goddamn prompter and get the hell off the stage!

And get the hell out of my hotel!

We hit the pool bar at the Roosevelt last night after the show for a quick team celebration and Heigl was there with her mom next to our table, attended to by a couple of bodyguards, first getting interviewed by Access Hollywood, then proceeding to get pissed drunk. Both of them were pissed drunk. So they started arguing, right there at the Roosevelt with journalists – hello Access Hollywood? – running around and about.

Is that weird to you? Because it’s super weird to me.

Like… where are her girlfriends? Where is her husband? It’s cool to take your mom to Oscars, absolutely but would you afterparty with your mom? And no one else? Just your mom??? It’s not like they never see each other either. On a recent promotional tour through Europe, Heigl’s mom actually went with her. That was just last week. Stranger still…they skipped the Governor’s Ball for martinis at the Roosevelt!

No? You don’t find this strange? And random?

Maybe it’s just me. See ‘cause I’d take mom, I’d eat with at the Ball, drop her off, and hook up with my girls and gays to head to Vanity Fair (when applicable) or Elton John’s.

Must just be me. I’m a terrible daughter and Katherine Heigl is perfect.

photos from