Of course Tom Cruise would want to crash this party… especially since the MiniVan Majority loves Hollywood baby fever. Besides, why pass up an opportunity to trump his ex wife Granny Freeze? 

But seriously… can you imagine how f&cking pissed Nicole Kidman would be? Prematurely believing she would own the spotlight with her long-awaited pregnancy, all off a sudden, Brad and Angelina come along to blow her frozen forehead out the water with the eagerly anticipated arrival of the Second Coming, whose birth will undoubtedly cause just as much worldwide over the top frenzy as the delivery of its sister the Chosen One Shiloh nearly two years ago. 

And even though the Pitts have yet to confirm the news, everyone seems convinced it’s a foregone conclusion and that the only question that remains is the birth location seeing as Brad and Angie can’t do anything without making a statement here or drawing our attention to the plight of the suffering somewhere else. Us Weekly is going so far as to report that they are selling the announcement in exchange for a charitable donation. 

Needless to say, the prospect of a Pitt 8/8/8 baby is being regarded, by the media and by Brangelunatics, as the most exciting news, like, ever in the history of mankind. Not surprisingly, Tom wants a piece of that pie. With his back up against the wall, his image hurt by the power of the internets, and increasing public distrust and ridicule of his religion, Tom Cruise needs Valkyrie to be a hit. 

Which is why is he is counting on his KatE to come through in the lab. And new tabloid reports suggest that she has succeeded. Supposedly seen shopping at Petit Tresor picking up a few “Big “Big Sister” baby tees for Little Sci, now they’re declaring she’s expecting. Because apparently anyone who shops at Petit Tresor is pregnant. Weak.

Still… coincidence and conspiracy are so often linked in Hollywood, it would not be surprising if Xenu managed to pull this one off too. 

And so the pregnancy mongering begins about Second Sci. She fuelled it even further yesterday wearing a loose fitting jacket over skinny jeans while out for lunch at Joan’s on Third. I know y’all love baby bump speculation so here she is from several angles. You tell me – is that Second Sci? 

Praise Xenu, ah-Thetan.

photos from Wenn.com