On August 13 I posted this article about how Katy Perry was keeping her daylight hours with John Mayer to a minimum. You know. She knows. Mila Kunis does not know. Mila Kunis allowed her shame f-ck to become her bonafide. Mila is dumber than Katy. Like, sure, John Mayer is vile. But at least she’s not in love, right?

According to everyone - US Weekly, PEOPLE, Radar, everyone - Katy Perry and John Mayer are done. Some are saying that Katy’s kinda sad about it even though she fronted like she didn’t care. And that John promised her he’d changed but ended up not changing after he f-cked her. That’s the narrative that’s the easiest to believe. Of course John Mayer was a dick. Of course he was.

But what if it was for the benefit of those prudes out there who don’t approve of a single girl getting some in the summer without feelings involved? Why not let him take the fall after she had her fun? That’s the story I prefer.