You know those bots on Twitter that are basically jokes? Like @ProbsAFeminist retweets people who say “I’m not a feminist, but…”? I wonder if there’s one for platitudes? Because I hate platitudes, BUT, I always find myself thinking about that one about dishware:
“If you don’t like someone, the way he holds his spoon will make you furious; if you do like him, he can turn his plate into your lap and you won’t mind.” Or, more succinctly, Bitch Eating Crackers.
I have the most benevolent version of this where Kerry Washington is concerned. She speaks up about photoshop, is admirably consistent about not discussing her personal life and generally fulfills some sort of self-imposed mandate to educate AND entertain, and I love her. So where E!'s announcement yesterday that she named her son Caleb Kelechi might have gotten a quick shrug-and-nod if it were someone else, for Kerry I find myself going, “Maybe I underplay the charm of Caleb!” I mean, it’s a great name, of course, but why is it that coming from her there’s a greater charm about it? I assume for the same reason that her daughter Isabelle tends to slip off my radar when I’m working myself into a lather about the surplus of Isabellas out there.
I’m also testing the waters of spoon-holding versus plate-turning where Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde are concerned. I don’t know what it is about these them – I like them, I like the projects that they do, I think they’re funny – but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m always side-eyeing, like “you’re on thin ice, you two.” I don’t know why! Like at any minute they might turn on me so I’m turning on them too? Why am I the insecure girlfriend in my relationship with them?
I’m especially interested in this conundrum because when they announced the other day that their daughter was named Daisy Josephine Sudeikis, it made me like the name more. I’ve always held flower names at arm’s length because I think part of the reason they’re popular is that people use them to confer a girly fragility or romanticism, one that I don’t think anyone needs to give to a girl right off the top of her life (and that in itself may be left over from “Keeping Up Appearances”, don’t tell me you don’t love Hyacinth Bucket), but somehow coming from these two, Daisy feels just kind of charming and chill, which I guess was the point of the name in the first place, right? It also pairs nicely with Otis, which I said in 2014 made me want to sing "Hello My Baby". “Daisy Sudeikis” could make a great second verse to that song—I assume not coincidentally.
What’s wrong with me? Am I losing my edge? Am I subconsciously trying to suck up to the pretty, funny, popular girls—like in high school where you didn’t so much have a girl crush on someone as wanting to consume their essence?
Or is it just that Caleb and Daisy are perfectly lovely names and I shouldn’t be all BEC overthinking it?
Let’s go with that.