I just asked Maria what Kirstie Alley is selling and why she’s pimping herself all over Barbara Walters, forgetting that she’s on that Dancing Stars show and must not be eliminated yet. This, apparently, is how she’s trying to secure votes: by telling people that John Travolta isn’t gay...?

During her interview with Walters, Kirstie reveals that she fell in love with him on the set of Look Who’s Talking and that they could have been together forever and forever except that...

She was married at the time.

Like, that’s the ONLY REASON they never hooked up.

Otherwise, there’d be NO OTHER REASON for them to have been apart.

John Travolta is the “greatest love of” Kirstie Alley’s life:

"I know John with all my heart and soul; he's not gay," Alley tells Walters of her Look Who's Talking costar. I think in some weird way, in Hollywood, if someone gets big enough and famous enough, and they're not out doing drugs and they're not womanizing, what do you say about them? It took everything I had inside, outside, whatever, to not run off and marry John and be with John for the rest of my life . . .I feel like when you marry someone, you're supposed to work hard at it and you're supposed to make it work."

It’s been a rough year for the Church of Scientology as scandal surrounded two of its most high profile members. Travolta allegedly groped a masseur in every city with a spa and Tom Cruise’s wife decided she didn’t want a babysitter anymore. I’d been wondering why Church disciples weren’t mobilising more to defend their religion and their poster boys. Looking back I guess they didn’t want to jeopardise Alley’s opportunity to return to Dancing. And now that she’s advanced in the competition, now that there’s an established fanbase supporting her, well, I guess she got the call from Xenu, the executive order to leverage her popularity in service of another Scientologist...

If not for cruel fate then, Kirstie could have been JT’s co-pilot. Kirstie and John would have been the Brange of Scientology.