Kristen Stewart, Blake Lively, Corey Stoll, and Jesse Eisenberg with Woody Allen at the photo call for Café Society in Cannes today. Let’s begin with an upliftingly gross quote from 80 year old Woody: 

As I mentioned when I wrote about the trailer last week, Jesse, basically, is playing Woody. And Woody, basically, confirms it:

So the narcissist wrote a movie in which he could watch a younger man say what he’d say, do what he’d do. Surrounded by young, beautiful women, casting them in his films so that he can mind-f-ck them with his handwritten notes…all in the name of his art. Because the art, it just has to come out, according to Kristen Stewart:

Woody’s compulsion then is to keep art-ing his own fantasies to the point where they’ve become the same story.

The truly enlightened are supposed to be able to separate art from life. Or something. I am not truly enlightened. Or even fraudulently enlightened. So I’m not sure how I’ll be able to enjoy this film at face value.

I love Kristen Stewart’s all-white Cannes 2016 debut. So much better than the MET Gala. All of it – makeup, hair, fit, everything. As for Blake Lively…

Um, we didn’t hear from her.