The hands, the author, hatemail, and puppy-off!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 18, 2011 07:49:00 April 18, 2011 07:49:00

Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson premiered Water For Elephants in New York last night. I imagine the MiniVan Majority is eating up that white embroidered dress of hers. If ever there was a dress to campaign on….

But, um, speaking of dresses …

The author of Water For Elephants Sara Gruen, should we take a moment to look at hers? I just want to say that a black cocktail with a really great pair of shoes never hurt anyone, you know?

Also, as you can see, Pattinson’s freaky tea-pouring hand showed up too. Have I already mentioned that Twi-Hards jerk off to his hands all the time? There are pages and pages of it online. Several of you sent me a few links a few weeks ago. The comments can get a little serial killer/rapist-y. Proceed with caution.
(You know who has great hands though? Charlie Hunnam on Sons of Anarchy. There’s something about the way he wears his biker rings.)

As for Pattinson’s girlfriend Kristen Stewart, you’ll get some love squee but more on this later. Because the dog comes first. These are pictures of Pattinson’s puppy taken this weekend being walked by Stewart’s bodyguard/manager/best friend/whatever John. Cute little dopey ears, right? And very impressive going off leash already in a parking lot. My beagle puppy Barney – 4 months – could never be let off leash in a parking lot. Beagle noses are too sensitive. He has however been going off leash on the trails in the forest. Not bad for a dumb little f-cker.

Did I tell you about the time a Twi-Hard insulted my dogs?

Sandra’s email came in response to this article:

“Marcus? You named your dog that rhymes with carcuss? You’re a loser! That means dead body! Who cares about your designer dog, just give us info on Rob’s dog and shut your mouth, bitch. Bear is a million times cuter than your stupid dead body dog and too your mongaloid puppy that you keep tweeting. Lol . Ugly just like you!”

You know what that is?

That right there is a motherf-ckin’ throw down.

Check it – Barney on the trail in the forest, napping on top of his big brother Marcus – or, as Sandra likes to call him, Carcuss (sic) – and video below of Barney terrorising Boomer, an adult dog, who clearly has no time for the annoying little sh-t following him around. Everybody hates Barney unless he's not home or sleeping.


Barney is the heavyweight champion.

Kristen Stewart? Flew to New York with Pattinson to support him at the event. Did not walk the carpet. But here’s the nipple tweaker you’ve been waiting for Twi-Hards: Stewart has another week of shooting in Vancouver, she’s due on set today. She was told that she had to be back in Vancouver by 8am so as not to delay production. Stewart is reliable, there’s no doubt she’ll come to work ready to work. The point though is that she flew a long way in a short amount of time for an even shorter amount of time just to accompany her boyfriend to his premiere. There is no breakup. There never was.

UPDATE: Stewart's call time has now been moved to 3pm.

Photos from PUNKD Images and Jackson Lee/ and Andres Otero/

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