It was Kristen Stewart’s birthday yesterday. She’s now 22 which... I’m pretty sure is not a milestone number or anything, at least not in these parts, but whatever. A big ass embarrassing deal was made of it, and it was out of her control.  

In honour of Kristen’s Special Day, her Snow White And The Huntsman cast-mates were made to record personalised birthday messages for her. See below - Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, and Sam Claflin all awkwardly wishing Stewart Happy Birthday.

I say “made to” because come on now, Charlize Theron isn’t sitting around calling people up saying, OMG guys, you know what we should totally do? We should totally YouTube ourselves sending Happy Birthdays to Kristen because she would, like, so love that, like a lot!

Does that seem like Charlize Theron to you?

Does it LOOK like Charlize Theron to you?

Here. Watch.

The way she says “you’re awesome” like it’s halfway between a question and a statement cracks me up. Poor Charlize looks like she wants to die. I want to die for her. It’s humiliating, this sh-t they make them do. Because it’s not like Charlize wouldn’t want to offer her greetings, of course not; but she would never do it this way unless urged by the studio: the “fans would love it, and everyone would talk about it, please, Charlize, it would be good for our movie”. Gross right?

What would Charlize prefer?

A private text or a phone call. And I’ve no doubt Kristen Stewart would prefer the same.

Duana wrote a great piece a couple of weeks ago called What Do Fans Deserve. Apparently fans deserve, and then will continue to demand, to participate in personal exchanges between colleagues for the purpose of PROMOTING A MOVIE. This is Hollywood now. Acting has become a Disney experience. It’s more than just the “craft”. Part of the job description is playing Mickey Mouse now. And Goofy too.

Attached - Charlize Theron arriving at LAX yesterday.