Last year, Lee Daniels, while defending Terrence Howard, told The Hollywood Reporter that Terrence’s misogynistic reputation was not unlike Marlon Brando’s or Sean Penn’s. Then Sean Penn decided to sue Lee for $10 million for defamation. And Lee was like, f-ck you, everybody’s heard all the stories about what you did to Madonna. And they postured in court back and forth a few times. Click here and click here if you need a refresher.

Yesterday it was confirmed that everything’s been resolved. They’re not going to slap at each other in a courtroom anymore. Lee, presumably, was advised to not spend all kinds of money on what could be a protracted legal situation and just puke out an apology and a donation to make the situation go away. And Sean, I guess, was persuaded to do the same. Because in the end, only the lawyers win. Oh, and us. We win too. Because the petty boy sh-t passive aggressive tone of their public statements is GLORIOUS. Let’s start with Lee:

"I am so sorry that I have hurt you, Sean, and I apologize and retract my reckless statements about you. How thoughtless of me. You are someone I consider a friend, a brilliant actor and true Hollywood legend and humanitarian."


This is why I love writers. How thoughtless of me! It’s so f-cking amazing. And the only thing that would have made it more amazing would have been an “OK” or a “hmmmm?” behind it. Can you hear that? Because that’s how it had to have sounded in Lee’s mind.

How thoughtless of me, OK, hmmmm?

It’s patronising. It’s soaked in sarcasm. And all that was returned by Sean:

"I accept Lee's heartfelt apology and appreciate the sincerity with which it was delivered. I also accept and appreciate his generous donation to J/P HRO, which will have a transformative effect on the lives of those we serve in Haiti."
Like when the principal hauls the two class sh-t disturbers in front of the assembly and makes them say sorry to the student body for disrupting their learning. Once all the grownups have left the building, they’re go back to being assholes. Which brings us back to the writing. Lee Daniels is a writer. He’ll find a way to f-ck over Sean Penn with his writing. Eventually. I hope.