Leonardo DiCaprio was photographed earlier this week with Toni Garrn in the French Alps. I don’t know how happy he is about getting papped, especially right now, when the impression he’s trying to leave with Academy voters is that he’s always been The One – the one who respects the art, the one who commits to the best work, the one who tries to honour the craft.

Or maybe he’s just given up. Maybe he’s just like…alright, alright, alright, you can have it.

Somehow I doubt that.

Because he also gave an interview on CBS that aired yesterday and willingly answered questions about his love life. What does he look for in a girlfriend?

The Victoria’s Secret catalogue?

Well, yes, but that’s not what he wants you to hear. He wants you think it could be you:

“Humility, a sense of humour and not a lot of drama.”

I believe the “not a lot of drama” part. This is why he stays away from actresses. As for humility and a sense of humour – is that what sets one model apart from the other? Like, he only dates models, but also only the funny ones? It’s a very, very narrow field we’re dealing with here.

And what about marriage?

During an Oscar campaign, an unapologetic pussy hunter can’t possibly admit to never wanting to get married.

“(Marriage) is going to happen when it's going to happen. I'm just gonna let it happen naturally.”

Translation: it’s never going to happen, but I need the MiniVan Majority to believe they might have a chance. George Clooney pulls this card out once in a while too.

The best part of the interview happens at the top, when Gayle King says that he’s not the kind of celebrity who would wear a paper bag over his head – a reference, presumably, to Shia LaBeouf.


Maybe not a bag, but what about this?

This is him too:

And sometimes he tries to find a dumpster.