Before we begin, let us, together, enjoy this:



Duana sent that to me at 3am. It was better than caffeine. Leonardo DiCaprio has always claimed that when it comes to his work, Oscar has never been the pursuit. Ok yeah. Whatever the f-ck you want to call it, the pursuit, the non-pursuit, the lifelong courtship, the prolonged consummation, it’s over. The Academy has finally decided that, fine, Leo, you can have one, since you asked so often and so obsequiously.

And that’s really been the most satisfying part of it all, hasn’t? It didn’t come easy. IT DID NOT COME EASY.

He had to grow that goddamn beard and get in that snow and eat that meat and still, it wasn’t enough, on that alone, it wasn’t enough. He so wanted it to be though, you know? Leo thought he could do Leo, be Leo, and yet they asked him for more. More handshaking, more baby holding, more listening to this person’s Aunt Ethel talk about her arthritis for several long months and only then were they like, ok, we’ll make you sweat it for 3.5 hours in a theatre during which time you have to buy Girl Guide cookies and smile like you mean it when the camera cuts to you and …here, take it, just take it, and don’t come asking for it again for at least another 5 years.

On rare occasions, the Academy is such a lovable c-nt.

That explains the relief on his face. Don’t believe it when he tells you it’s something else, like exhaustion, and not relief. It was straight up relief. According to Vanity Fair, at their party, Tobey Maguire was overheard fretting when Sly Stallone lost because they thought maybe an upset for Leo could follow:

Fresh off the red carpet, Ben Affleck made a beeline for the duo and was greeted warmly with a hug from Rock and a kiss on the cheek from Leo. Affleck and DiCaprio held hands as they chatted while Maguire explained nearby that an early upset in the best-supporting-actor category had him nervous for DiCaprio. Experts were so certain both Sylvester Stallone and DiCaprio would win that when Stallone lost to Mark Rylance, Maguire said, he got anxious for his friend.

It’s been a Pussy Posse team effort, you know?

But I did enjoy very much this video of him waiting for his Oscar to be engraved, not minding at all for a change that he’s surrounded by cameras, cracking jokes about the process, fronting like he’s all chill about taking care of it – AS IF he’s not going to personally polish it every day and make his models fellate the motherf-cker before they put his own dick in their mouths.



And now we can go back to old Leo, the one who will conveniently forget that all these months of prostration ever happened. Leonardo DiCaprio is above it. Also, fortunately, he probably doesn’t have to pretend like he and Kate Winslet could ever be a thing again. Seriously though, did it not seem like she was willing to give up her own Oscar so that he could have his?!? Get a hold of yourself, girl.