Have received many emails asking me to post pictures of One Direction’s Liam Payne surfing in Sydney As you know, as far as 1D is concerned, I’m all about Harry Styles. But there are 5 of them, yes. And some of you have different preferences. So here are Liam and Louis on the water. I agree. I don’t mind seeing Liam with his wetsuit half off.

But my God Australia has been taken over by hormones. Hot Harry was there this weekend and now it’s boy band fever…

Did you hear about this? Some fans tried to break in to Liam’s hotel room and nicked his underpants that were drying on the balcony. Panty-sniffing fangirls?

Have you ever loved someone so much, been so obsessed with him/her, that you’d voluntarily smell their jizz? Liam’s 20. He’s horny all the time right now. I’m just saying that would be a lot of crust. Now all I can see is Crispin Glover’s face from Charlie’s Angels with the body of teen girl, making that euphoric orgasm face as he ran Drew Barrymore’s lock of hair across his face. Never understood it.