Pinned Pupils Drugs and Drives

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2007 00:00:00 May 28, 2007 00:00:00

Dina Lohan calls it “misunderstood”. Everyone else calls it Making Excuses. Excuses for Parental Golddiggery, excuses for raising a daughter as a commodity instead of as a child. And now that child has been arrested, is facing serious legal repercussion, and perhaps worse yet – for the Lohans anyway – the very serious threat of Hollywood rejection. Because the young actresses she’s competing with, the Scarletts, the Keiras, the Natalies, they all have several projects lined up – one after the other building an increasingly impressive body of work that will see them into their 30s.

Lindsay? Maybe…MAYBE one? Maybe?

Hardly the desired resumé for someone who once commanded $7 million per picture.

But that was then, way back before the permanent move to the Chateau Marmont and a weapon in the form of a Mercedes at her disposal.

She crashed it late Friday night/Saturday morning, fled the scene of the crime, was found by police at the hospital with a “useable” amount of cocaine, arrested and released, and – at press time – is now in hiding pending further investigation.

X17 has a blow by blow of Lindsay’s activities that night, beginning around midnight when she arrived at Les Deux, staying until about 3am. From there she raged over to a house party and left an hour later after getting involved in a scrap – not known with whom. Instead of hosing herself off, she then made a pitstop at the Mondrian, getting bored there quickly and finally heading home.

Unfortunately, home turned out to be a simple car swap. Up to this point, she had been chauffeured around by her bodyguard Jaz. But at 5am, she took her car out herself with a couple of friends, and just half an hour later ended up wrapped around a tree. Like any responsible citizen, she then promptly took off, presumably to treat her “lower chest injuries” and had her bodyguard come back to the scene and drive the car away.

Police found her at the hospital and arrested her for driving under the influence. Preliminary findings turned up the cocaine. And given the gusto with which the authorities went about prosecuting Hollywood Ebola chances are they will be just as unkind in their treatment of an underage drug abuser with a blatant disregard for the law or, for that matter, anyone else’s safety.

And that is the crux of the matter, isn’t it?

But no doubt Dina will come up with yet another eye-roll worthy attack on the media, as she invites cameras from Entertainment Tonight up to her daughter’s apartment for an exclusive look at her injuries just before she heads off to luxury rehab. Wouldn’t put it past her…would you?

As for Lilo’s plans to celebrate 21 in style and excess in Vegas? Svedka Vodka has now pulled its undoubtedly ill-advised endorsement, leaving her bash without a primary sponsor. But you can bet your boob job this incorrigible little twat will fight like hell to make it happen.

Which is why at this point rehab is futile. F*ck rehab. Throw her behind bars with Paris Hilton. Let them fight over the attentions of a bulldyke and finally come out tamed.

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