Hollywood Mother of the Year Dina Lohan reportedly spent the weekend in Miami guzzling champagne with abandon, spending over $750 on booze, and rolling with a crowd of 20—somethings from club to club. She says she was simply trying “sign” a new DJ. What…because she’s, like, Hollywood top Manager now? Bitch needs to get a life.

Not that I expect her to join the MiniVan Majority or anything but appropriate behaviour doesn’t have to run along the opposite end of the spectrum, you know? But then again, Dina is 45 going on 25 with 20 years in between she wishes never happened. And so I look at Dina, orange from the sun, pruned and pasty from hard living, thin and frail from not eating, in her expensive designer clothes on the pages of Glamour Magazine, I look at Dina and I think… my mother is a pill and my mother is crazy but at least she’s not Dina Lohan, you know?

So check it out, too gold not to share. Just got back from Toronto, my mother immediately showed off her haircut – it’s the Posh Bob! The Posh Bob Chicken China-fied! I told her she was copying Victoria Bekcham. She said – Hurgh! Wicktawlia Beckham copy me!

And then she asked my husband if he would take photos of her in her new favourite outfit. She bought it for the casino – says it’s her “lucky” ensemble. Last year around this time, to draw parallels between Amanda Peet’s atrocious fashion sense and my mother’s atrocious fashion sense, I posted an article about a jacket she had bought me - the f&cking ugliest like ever (until now), click here for a reminder click here for a reminder. And still people ask me… what’s your mother really like? Is she really a Chinese Squawking Chicken?

So now let me ask you back – who else could wear this but a Chinese Squawking Chicken???

Head to toe denim. A DENIM SUIT. With rhinestone encrusted patches on the back and up and down the leg and she purposefully wears it with the collar turned up. The kicker though is the shoes. Gold and silver Coach runners. Kills me.

We took her out for lunch that day – she put on her sunglasses and waddled around like a peacock while we tried to hide. But even still… as bad as it was, as bad as this looks, as blinding as she was, I would STILL take my mother’s Asian Elvis over Dina Lohan’s pathetic vicarious living.