As I said yesterday, the water bottle sobriety campaign is laughable at best. And still my bloated, bipolar Lilo is still not as dumb as Britney…thank Goddess. She may be a bigger trainwreck but intellectually speaking, I’m thinkin’ there’s more than a slight edge. Us Weekly is reporting that KFed wanted a piece of Red and in return he was told to beat it – all exchanged via text message, of course. Golddigger’s pick up line was the impossibly hard to resist: We should hang out. But instead of ripping off her panties and writing a huge cheque like her chicken-fried counterpart, Lindsay threw back a bitchslap “Why would I hang out with you???”, prompting a typical, garden variety spurned male response – name calling, of course – blasting her as “Firecrotch” in revenge…Not exactly the most original salvo, is it? But aren’t you proud of our girl? Drinking water AND rejecting losers AND at least several weeks since her last hospitalization? Am shocked… You? Us Weekly