We’ll get to her janky teeth in a minute...

First there’s the matter of her community service. TMZ reports that Lindsay Lohan was fired from the Downtown Women’s Centre in LA because, well, either she never showed up as scheduled or when she did she booked it after only an hour when she was specifically ordered by the judge presiding over her case that she stay for at least 4 hours.

Lohan has now been reassigned to the Red Cross and her excuse, because there are always a million little excuses, is that she says the people at the Downtown Women’s Centre were mean to her and, as such, it was too difficult to volunteer. There’s always, as you know, someone to blame. She is never to blame. Ever.

The Downtown Women’s Center is a non-profit organisation dedicated to helping homeless women rebuild their lives. As is the case with all non-profit organisations, it relies on the support of volunteers. When those volunteers don’t come through when they say they will, it’s an extra burden for the staff to have to back-fill their responsibilities and scramble to find replacements, on top of the workload they already have, which, naturally, TAKES AWAY from the work that they do - providing assistance to women who are running from addiction and abuse, trapped in a cycle of poverty.

Thanks Lindsay Lohan. Thanks for making their jobs easier.

You want to sympathise with her? You want to call her sad smut? Please. What she is is a piece of sh-t who has always been selfish, will always be selfish, healthy or not. Like I said - save your pity for someone who deserves it, for the staff at the Downtown Women’s Centre, for the women who seek their services, for the women who would kill for all the opportunities Lindsay Lohan has pissed away. That girl has a lot of problems. But even if you fix every one of them, it still won’t change the fact that she is an asshole.

And this asshole has to present herself in court next week and explain to the judge why she’s only completed a small, small fraction of her court-ordered community service and why she hasn’t been going to counselling. They say there’s a chance she could be thrown back in jail. After all, Judge Sautner hits up the blogs and knows about Lohan’s active social life. She’ll know that Lohan f-cked off to Italy for fashion week and then skipped over to Paris for some more Euro fawning. Which is why Lohan’s desperately trying to set up some pap shots of her showing up at the Red Cross this weekend. Some seem sceptical that Judge Sautner will actually send her back to prison. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to get militant.

Click here to learn more about the Downtown Women’s Centre in LA.

As for those teeth - PEOPLE.com asked Lohan’s publicist why they’re so rotten. His response was predictably hilarious:

"Lindsay is widely acknowledged as one of the most stunning actresses of her day, and we get requests every week wanting to do photo shoots with her from top photographers. She's been on the cover of Vanity Fair and the top beauty and fashion magazines. She's a beautiful and glamorous actress. With everything going on – from deteriorating public education to rampant homelessness to international unrest – there is no way I'm going to comment on Lindsay's teeth.”

Imagine that is your JOB? It’s the life of a celebrity publicist, you know? You have to find a way to write this sh-t, and not want to kill yourself, every single day.

What’s most telling though about this is not what he’s trying to sell, but that he was even asked the question in the first place. PEOPLE is, as you know, the safest, most star friendly, most ass-kissy publication on the market. They would normally NEVER dare to approach with that kind of query for any other celebrity for fear of retribution later on. And they went to Lindsay Lohan to ask WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR TEETH.

Like, even PEOPLE Magazine can’t be bothered to pretend to respect Lindsay Lohan. What does that say?