Lindsay Lohan managed to stay home yesterday following her sentencing. She actually did not go to her own birthday party. They must have had to strap that sh-t down to stop her from leaving the house. Forced to abstain from the circuit for just one night Lilo, naturally, tweaked out on Twitter, addressing the Nail Polish F-ck U situation:

“didn't we do our nails as a joke with our friend dc? it had nothing to do w/court.. it's an airbrush design from a stencil xx”

After defending her middle finger disrespect, Lilo then decided to appeal to the United Nations about her case:

“It is clearly stated in Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights that "No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.” This was taken from an article by Erik Luna. "November 1 marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines. But there were no celebrations, parades, or other festivities in honor of this punishment scheme created by Congress and the U.S. Sentencing Commission....” Instead, the day passed like most others during the last 15 years: Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules."

So now she’s being tortured by the United States Justice System. And she’s declaring herself the poster girl for a new humanitarian crisis.

How about this for torture:

Kidnapped in the back of an SUV by a coked out starlet on a jealous rage, speeding down a treacherous highway...

Lindsay Lohan is being sued for this. For getting behind the wheel, drugged out of her mind, and trying to kill people with her car. But SHE’s always the victim.

So here come the stories: everyone is on Lindsay Watch, she’s surrounded by friends and family, they’re worried for her safety, they’re worried she won’t be able to handle it...

If her mother was so worried, why didn’t she show up until the day AFTER the hearing?

The countdown is on for another “asthma attack”. Or a bout of “dehydratation/exhaustion” necessitating hospitalisation and, more importantly, resulting in sympathy. There will be drama. Sit back and watch.

Photo from DAVID MCNEW/