London last night. Opening night. Lindsay Lohan in Speed-the-Plow. Reviews have been mixed. Overall the play is a medium. Some reviews were impressed by her performance, others just had no time for it. Here’s the detail they all agree on though:

She only missed one line. So that’s the standard now, is it? Sh-t. Maybe we should all start living like Lindsay Lohan. When not embarrassing yourself is qualified by just one line missed, it’s not a bad way to exist. F-ck expectations, right? F-ck expecting more of yourself. F-ck wanting to be the best. F-ck all that.

If you can get to the point where if you miss just one line and you’re still ahead?

WHY would you ever, ever, ever ask any more of yourself?

I guess Blythe Danner’s been doing it all wrong.

PS. Christ Jesus, could she please stop blowing those f-cking kisses.