Madonna’s ads for Louis Vuitton – she looks great. No bulging muscles, no veins, no close ups on those weird ass cheek bones… Steven Meisel shot this campaign and having worked with her before, clearly he knows how to draw out her best, giving us a softer, younger, beautiful Madge.

You know how sick she is though? Sick in the head? She calls them her “fat Italian thighs”.

I have been working out like a mad cow bitch the last few weeks as a buffer for the holidays. Like six days a week. And swimming. And running. And in pain all the time. And still…my ass… no change. I don’t give a sh-t that I can run 5k in half an hour now. Fitness is for vanity. Period.

These celebrity fitness people…they are CRAZY. And terribly unhappy. Like my friend Ashley says, you can’t work out that hard, for that long, so obsessively, and be in love with your life. It’s not possible.