I grew up in the 80s. Madonna was my guardian angel, my camp counsellor, my ways and my means. What I’m trying to say is that I will always want to side with Madonna. She’s connected to my youth. And those inclinations, formed in adolescence, attached to teen memory, are almost impossible to corrupt. Unless of course there is a major breach.

I don’t need my Madonna to be nice. I don’t need her to be kind. I don’t care if she’s offensive. But I do want her to be ahead of the joke. And above all, Madonna canNOT be lame.

What happened last night?

Madonna was LAME.

She was lame right from the very beginning.

Look at her with Seacrest on the carpet. Is that Madonna? Or is that the middle aged mother who’s trying to get down with the youth?


Playboyus Maximus is like dad coming down to the basement, thinking he’s bonding with his boy by pointing to his watch and dropping, “Yo, son, check out my bling bling”. THAT is Playboyus Maximus. Madonna is the Bad Joke Guy.


Even Seacrest seemed embarrassed by her. Even he wanted to leave her party. When Ryan Seacrest is too cool for your party, when he wants to ditch you, you have a problem.

And then she presented. After an admittedly unimaginative introduction by Ricky Gervais. About Like A Virgin and whatever. I didn’t mind how she challenged him to come back out and do something about her virginity, but then she had to invoke the whole kissing girls business again. The master of reinvention going backwards?

Madonna is now Michael Scott. HOLY SH-T. How did that happen?

And how did Madonna, always an advocate for gay rights and equality, choose to insult Ricky Gervais by comparing him to a GIRL? Who is this woman, making me cringe?