You know what I always say: Girl Sh-t Is The Best Sh-t. It is the fuel of gossip. Girl Sh-t lives in the heart of every great smutty story. From the Brange-Aniston Triangle to all the Twi-Hard in-fighting, Girl Sh-t is pure entertainment and, ultimately, if you want to get profound up in here, Girl Sh-t is where celebrities are at their most relatable. You don’t have to be famous or rich or both to understand the basic principles of Girl Sh-t. Girl Sh-t is the great Common Denominator.

And after a half century of experience, who better at Girl Sh-t than Madonna herself?

She opens her MDNA tour in Tel Aviv this week. Footage from her rehearsal has been leaked online featuring a mash-up of Express Yourself with Gaga’s Born This Way and then straight into her (sh-tty) song She’s Not Me. Well, Madge was never one for subtlety, was she? No matter how she might try to spin it later, there is no doubt about the spirit of her message:

You ripped off my song. You are a pretender. I am the Only One.



Don’t forget - both Madonna and Gaga’s hardcore fans can be straight up CRAZY. Gaga had to rein in her Little Monsters last year after they fat-raged on Adele when the two were up for the same award. And Madonna and Gaga also happen to be touring at the same time. Their respective camps will be tearing each other to pieces soon. But while Gaga tends to adhere to her “LOVE EVERYONE” mantra, Madonna’s approach, as evidenced by this throw-down, is obviously more confrontational. My friend Iain C, arguably Madonna’s #1 fan, a walking encyclopaedia of Madge, just emailed me to declare, having seen this clip, that MDNA will be a “true return to form for her”. And she needs it. MDNA sales have not been great. Even William Orbit who produced the album admitted last week that MDNA was not their best work. He eventually had to soften those statements after pressure from Guy Oseary but the damage was done. Click here for the full background on how that drama went down.

But, as I’ve noted several times already, for Madonna it’s always been about the Tour. And while I’ve not really been as hungry for this tour as I’ve been for her others, I’m much more encouraged after hearing this arrangement of one of her all time classics not modified beyond recognition. Still, as a “filmmaker” now, Madonna’s focus on the visual experience of her shows, which have always been superior to those of any other artist, is said to be even more heightened. And that’s great. We all need something to look at. My concern though is that the focus on all that stimulation takes away from her personality. The kind of personality who struts to the edge of the stage and tells Lady Gaga to STEP OFF. What I worry about is that she’s now more Machine than anything else, Darth Vader with a blonde wig and bigger biceps. The question is: does MDNA have a heart?