To me, Madonna looked stiff last night at the Grammys. There was no fluidity in her movements. My friend Iain, the most ardent Madonna fan I know, even he called her performance “cautious”, wishing she would just let go. That’s about as critical as it gets from Iain on Madonna. So if even he’s calling it “cautious”, it was cautious. At best it was cautious.

At worst, well, I basically compared it to Katy Perry on Twitter. Madonna danced about as much as Katy Perry at the Super Bowl. Which… that’s a problem. Because Madonna can dance.

But then I got yelled at. I got yelled at for the squats. She did a lot of squats and not a lot of us can do a lot of squats so that makes it a success? Squats are not dancing. And, um, every time she squatted she had to be carried around by her man-bulls so I could have used a few less squats and a few more proper dance moves, frankly.

And then this:

She’s 56 years old! Give her a break.

Oh, so we’re going to play the age card now?

I’m down with the age card, no problem.

It’s just…

This is MADONNA. You think MADONNA wants to use the age card? You think she would appreciate the age card being pulled as an excuse for her not delivering the energy, the pace, the sizzle, the STANDARD she’s set for herself?


Go on and pull the age card in her face and let me know if this is what happens to you:

Madonna is insisting that she’s still relevant, still a force, still ahead of the game, while Beyonce sits in the audience, she’s declaring that she can not only keep up, but that she can lead. If that’s the message she’s selling me, if that’s what she wants me to believe, you don’t get to pull the age card when she doesn’t deliver. You have to let her eat it straight up. And straight up: Madonna was a bust last night.