While JLo decided to celebrate her release from marriage by slumming it with a backup dancer who, on his best day, and I am being generous, is no more than a 5.5, Marc Anthony went with a model. And he’s flaunting it all over the social network. This is Marc with Shannon De Lima as posted on his Facebook. Shannon is a beauty pageant queen from Venezuela. What is it with Venezuela and the crazy ass beauties it produces??? Couple years ago I went on a junket and one of the journalists there was the former Miss Venezuela Valentina Patruno. I have never worked so hard trying to not be in line after someone.

I’ll just say it so you don’t have to, OK? JLo could have found a better looking backup dancer. There are, you know, some really, really, really great looking backup dancers out there. (See Daniel Cloud. Daniel Cloud is SO f-cking beautiful I would have hurt myself if I’d met him inside my younger self.) But why does it have to be a backup dancer? Why can’t it be, like, I dunno, Matthew Morrison? Or something. Else. Anyone. But Casper Smart.

One day I just want to borrow her eyes. To see how she actually sees people. You think she looks at Casper Smart and David Beckham is staring back at her?

Because she clearly doesn’t seem interested in winning in style. I mean JLo doesn’t have to make it a 10. She can pick a dude who’s a 7 and she’d still be ahead since Marc obviously isn’t over her. Which is why he’s showing so much Try with Shannon and retweeting his son’s message calling Marc and Shannon the “best couple for many more years to come”. Please God he is a loser, isn’t he?

And there she is...

Standing in victory next to Casper Smart.

Maddening.

Casper Smart is like being the Wimbledon champion and lifting up the trophy with a sh-t stain on your white shorts. They take photos in that moment you know? In your moment of glory, there is sh-t on your shorts. That is JLo and Casper Smart.