Are you grumpy? Don’t fret. Mimi’s here to make it all go away.

Did you watch her Christmas Special last night? If you missed it, you missed Joy. Everything she touches, from her microphone to her earpiece to that sleigh in the corner, all of it was tricked out. Mimi’s sh-t needs to be glistening. And the skanky pregnant elf outfits. Her tits pouring out. How it was a struggle for her to perform the simple act of standing upright in heels. Watching her is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Was she lipsynching? She tried to front like she wasn’t by sticking her finger in her ear constantly. It’s very theatrical and amazing.

And her mother was there too. The video is below. I mean... don’t you feel better already? She’s my angel.

My angel, in her relentless ongoing promotional efforts for this Christmas album, spoke to The Advocate about what would happen if her baby was gay and also Lindsay Lohan. Please. You can ask Mimi about Julian Assange, somehow she’d find a way to bring it back to her.

What if Mimi were to have a gay son?
I guess we'd handle it as best we could in terms of being supportive. ... I just hope for whoever's going to be happy and that I can be a great mother too.

Who cares if her son’s gay? MIMI IS A GREAT MOM.

What if her daughter’s a lesbian and won’t wear pink butterflies and tight titty tops?
No comment. [Laughs] No, the thing is that you can't try to make somebody something they're not. Everybody's like, “Oh, if she has a girl, everything's going to be pink, blah, blah, blah.” But I don't think you should go totally overboard on that. You should wait and see what the child wants.

Is Mimi bisexual?
If it makes somebody happy to say that, then whatever, but that's not the reality. I don't have a discriminatory policy of who I'm friends with, so yes, I'm friends with women who are gay - gay, straight, it doesn't matter to me. So I don't get upset when I hear that, because it is what it is. I guess I could lie about it to seem more exciting.

And finally… because you can always introduce Hello Kitty into any discussion:

Did Lindsay Lohan try to fondle her?
No, but I have hung out with her at a club. She was with Sean Lennon, and they came over. I remember he was playing my Hello Kitty guitar, and we were all just singing, laughing, and making up songs. It really couldn't have been more innocent.

Read more from Mimi in The Advocate here.

Photos from