Mariah Carey - a breast examination

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2006 12:00:00 January 15, 2006 12:00:00
Many of you have pointed out astutely that the Carey carriage did not look so ample 15 years ago when she was noticeably thinner and less well endowed. Point taken. But I also want to draw your attention to the fact that she has grown exponentially AND proportionally. As my friend Brian would say - the hooty matches the booty. If her body stayed tiny and her tits exploded, that would be one thing. But she enlarged ALL OVER. And if you look at her really closely, do her tits really seem out of whack with her ass? I think not. Many of you have also indicated that they are just too perky for their overall mass. Like the string bikini argument above, you would expect them to sag a lot more. I beg to differ. I see a gentle lilt. I see a nice underside that falls downward. And I am living proof of the power of the string mechanism. This might be hard to believe, but my mother somehow gave me oddly non-Asian ladies. As I gained curvature in my 20s, I also gained some power in the chest area. Don"t get me wrong. My tits aren"t ridiculous bitches, but they"re big enough to be annoying. In a string bikini I have, at times, walked dangerously close to public exposure. But you would not believe how effective it is when you tie that thing tight enough around your neck. It works y"all. It might not work for Pam Anderson but that"s only because the size of her back is not large enough to hold up the size of her breasts. Given that Mariah has as much girth around the ribs as she does around her mammaries, there is some kind of Newton"s law of mathematic breast formula that gives it the perfect balance. Finally... they flop. And they flop with the most lovely rhythm. When she"s moving about on stage and she"s doing her thing, they"re doing it along with her. Boppin" to the beat unevenly, a natural bounce as free as the wind, conjuring up the smell of milk and cookies and bread in the oven. It"s truly delicious, gossips. I live for Mariah Carey videos for just this reason. Call me stupid, call me ignorant, call me blind! But I"m standing by my opinion. Mariah might not be real anywhere else, but when it comes to her jubblies, I give it an authentic stamp. OK…bring it. Send me your rebuttals. I"m ready!

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