Mimi and James Packer walked their first red carpet together yesterday in New York at the premiere of The Intern. As you can tell, red carpets aren’t his thing. But for her, that’s a bonus. Because when Mimi’s working a carpet, there shouldn’t be anyone else trying to work it away from her. So, actually, what James is doing here is perfect. Stand there, look awkward, and admire her. Keep admiring her. Gaze at her, and wonder so hard, hard enough that we can practically see the thought bubble forming around his head, how a guy like you could have possibly been lucky enough to get a girl like her.

There are 5 billion answers to that question, but whatever. Let’s not make everything about money, even though, really, everything is about money. Instead, please tell me whether or not I should tell you what my nickname for him is. If I have to ask, I probably shouldn’t. Because it has to do with the physical and it’s super c-nty. Just…when I look at him… all I see is a certain character from a certain beloved movie…

Too mean?

Fine. I leave you then with Mimi’s most gorgeous, amazing, incredible commercial for Game Of War. I don’t know what the f-ck she’s doing in an ad for a video game either. But I will never, ever regret that they painted her with the thin stick and made her waddle into battle like Samwell Tarley.

You know why that looks so …wrong?