I had to save this for last today. Because Mimi would approve. Love and joy and “festive” news should always be at the top of the page.

Mimi has a new boyfriend. And he’s a billionaire!

TMZ broke the news this weekend that Mimi is now dating Australian billionaire James Packer.


You’ll recall, he’s the dude Tom Cruise was good friends with for a while. They met when Packer was at a low point in his life. He says Tom really helped him out. The rumour is that Tom got into him Xenu and that Packer quit the Sci life a few years later, when his father passed away. Packer has always denied that he was a full blown believer. Packer also allegedly hooked up with Miranda Kerr for a while, though she insists that’s not how it was.

Packer and Brett Ratner are close, business partners. Ratner and Mimi are also close. TMZ says it was Ratner who set them up and that Packer had been pursuing Mimi for a long time.

That’s the first step with Mimi, isn’t it? You need to chase her. You have to WOO her. And it costs a LOT of cash money to woo her. She has her own cash money, of course, but it’s not billionaire cash money. Remember, celebrities are practically middle class compared to people like Packer and Roman Abramovich who often lets Leonardo DiCaprio freeload on his boats.

You ever hear that expression, Marry the first time for love, the second time for money?

Maybe Mimi did that backwards. The first time she married for money, security. The second time she married for love. Maybe now she’s back to marrying for money.

Or, you know, maybe, through those rainbow unicorn butterfly eyes of hers, she looks at this man and sees beauty and not dollar signs. Maybe when she pictures him on top of her she doesn’t have the same reaction I do, because I’m a shallow, worthless c-nt.

Mimi and Packer are celebrating themselves and their love in Italy, spending time on his boat. They’ve been papped smiling at each other romantically, their arms around each other, as if to say that after two divorces each, they’ve finally found their respective soulmates. (Click here to see more photos.) A true soulmate for Mimi is someone who can afford several cases of premium vintage the best year whatever champagne for her bath every night. And understands when she asks him to hire new employees to lift her from the tub to the bed.

Finally. The life she was meant for. It’s given her the emotional space to be even more gracious than usual. So gracious that she posed modestly, in a green tricked out bikini, with Packer’s ex-wife, Jodhi, on his boat, that Jodhi ended up posting on Instagram. Packer’s worth almost $5 billion. There’s more than enough to go around.