I wrote yesterday that Nicki Minaj needs a Bitch Coach. Because Mimi is seriously outplaying her; she has a lot more experience. Oh ignorant youth...

Think about it -- while Nicki’s trying to take down a Bitch legend on Twitter (obviously unsuccessfully), Mimi hasn’t even STOOD UP yet. She probably hasn’t even gotten out of bed yet. She was probably still in bed when she called Barbara Walters up to do her work for her. See? Going all caps on social networking is child’s play compared to Mimi’s game. Nicki really doesn’t know.

She doesn’t know that a mother’s secret weapon is always her children. When you talk sh-t at a mother, what you’re really doing is telling the world that you want to burn her babies. And in this case not just any babies but ...Dem Babies!

Mimi told Barbara and Barbara told the MiniVan Majority via The View that “when Nicki walked off the set multiple people heard her say, 'If I had a gun I would shoot that bitch.’ And she said that there were staff members that heard, hairdressers, producers and other people. She said she's very concerned. She is with her twins [Moroccan and Monroe, 18 months] and doesn't feel that anything would happen, but, 'Nicki is unpredictable.' And Mariah says she can't take a chance, and has hired extra security.'" (Source)

So one the one hand you have Mimi, the pop icon, who heroically carried two babies inside of herself while other people carried her around, suggesting that she would gently lower herself in stilettos throw herself onto the ground if it meant protecting her children and in the other there’s Nicki Minaj, all strangely wigged, urban and hip-hoppy and full of the swears...


No self-respecting capri-wearing, SUV-driving soccer mom is siding with Nicki. And those are the people who advertisers are appealing to. All of a sudden, the toilet paper brands and the cleaning brands and the laundry brands and the Walmarts of the world, all of a sudden they’re like, hey-oh American Idol, what’s with the gangster rough-neck who might kill Mariah Carey’s babies...? Can we do something about this?

Come ON.

This fight never started. Mimi had a knife in both of Nicki’s eyes before the first contestant started singing the first note. Again, Nicki needs a Bitch Coach. She might need a few of them. You know what would really make it interesting though?

If I were advising Nicki, I’d be calling Jennifer Lopez. There you go Star Magazine. That was a gift!