It’s already 2016 in Australia. Happy New Year! And aren’t you lucky. Because your new year began in the presence of our elusive butterfly. Mimi was in Melbourne for New Year’s Eve, performing at Crown Casino which is owned, of course, by her boyfriend, the billionaire James Packer. As you know, Mimi and James started dating early in the summer, set up by Brett Ratner. Not even a month into the relationship he took her to Italy, set her up on his yacht, and only played her music at his parties. There followed a lot of jewellery and a lot of compliments. James, ostensibly, is very good at telling her that she’s thin.
But she would tell you that she worked so hard this year. She headlined in Vegas. And she directed a Christmas movie – have you watched it yet? It’s a fascinating piece of filmmaking and, in my opinion, so much more artistically important than The Revenant by Alejandro G Inarritu. For starters, you only need to see The Revenant one time. Nobody wants to see that movie more than once. A Christmas Melody on the other hand is worthy of repeats, even back to back viewings. Like Airplane. You know how Airplane is funny in new ways every time you watch it? Same can be said for Mimi’s A Christmas Melody. I’ve now enjoyed it, here and there, in parts, three times in the last week. And every time I notice something fresh – a curl in her hair that’s positioned just so, the way her hip is angled for maximum skinny effect. And for all the masturbation that Inarritu’s cinematography is supposedly inducing, the camera work in A Christmas Melody is more riveting, more compelling, and more WTF than any fake bear f-cking scene on offer in The Revenant.
Think about the commitment required to change the lens every time Mimi puts herself on screen. Through the entire movie! Think about the budget adjustments that had to be made for that kind of vanity! In every one of her scenes, she not only had to repo all the “regular” cameras for the other actors, she had to then reset all of it to bring in her own beauty lens for her isolation shots. She’s never in the same frame with anyone else! And in those frames she’s always looking off-camera, never at the angle or height of the person she’s supposed to be acting opposite, but at some wondrous thing in the distance – probably a hologram, of herself.
Does Inarritu have that kind of vision? Please. Can Inarritu bring this much joy?
Because that’s what Mimi has given us in what was, for some, a most bleak year. When we need her, when we need to smile, Mimi is there. Sometimes riding on a Dumbo with the wind in her hair:
Or oblivious to her children when’s posing for photographers by her star on the Walk Of Fame – it’s HER moment, goddammit!
Or possibly getting motorboated in the Mediterranean:
Or showing off her post-“flu” body in a gold swimsuit while freezing her tits off:
But the best, the best was Mimi in armour, shooting down a dragon and then… um… um… running off?
That visual is proof that there is magic in humanity.
