It’s me!

Am just installed in Barbados, at my room at The Crane (more on this later) with a hardwire internet connection, and my Hate F-cks right now are athletes: Alex Rodriguez and Chris Pronger. HATE.

So there’s hate f-cking and then there are butterflies, rainbows, and cheese.

It’s Mimi time.

Admit it. You didn’t think they would make it. Don’t lie. I didn’t either. When she married him? Out of nowhere? And now it’s 3 years later? No. It was not possible impossible.

But here we are, and Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have lasted longer than anyone thought they would, longer than many other showbiz marriages. The secret?


You know.

It’s Cheese. It’s always cheese.

It’s cheese weddings – their third is apparently coming up – and it’s cheese on a f-ckin’ pizza. Like, did you know Mimi cooks? Herself? HERSELF. So claims Nick:

"Mariah's a great cook. She likes to make fun dishes. You know, the pizzas with the English muffins and the mozzarella? We do that a lot. She makes her own sauce. She's skilled like that."

See in my mind, Mimi’s pizza features Hello Kitty. With sugar sprinkles. But come on. She makes it by herself? In heels? Am having a very hard time picturing this. But am also enjoying the picture very, very much. See Mimi waddling over to the oven and trying to turn it on. See Mimi’s long ass nails unable to press the buttons. See Mimi stranded by the fridge, incapable of waddling back to the counter. See Mimi take a break from all the hard work on the floor until Nick comes to finish off the job.

As for that 3rd wedding? It’ll be April 30th and we WILL know about. Every detail.

Photos from