Mimi is the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig! And there’s been an unveiling!

As you can imagine, I have watched the unveiling, like, at least a dozen times. I’ve also, for your viewing pleasure, screen capped many of the best parts. Of her body. That are obscured and shadowed and angled and, um, maybe even retouched, all amounting to what she claims is a 30 pound weight loss since she started the Jenny program on July 22 which has resulted in her now sitting at a very petite size 4 or 6.


As IF.

As IF Mimi wasn’t the one who had her assistants sew in a smaller number to her jeans all those years ago, remember???

You know who’s a size 6? Julia Roberts was a size 6 in Pretty Woman. I know you remember this. As IF Mariah Carey has ever been the same size as Julia Roberts since Vision of Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at these shots of her alleged stomach. Like, I’m not super comfortable with pointing out all of a woman’s body parts and scrutinising them for size in this era of f-cked up imagery and unrealistic expectation and I don’t doubt she worked hard - however that’s defined for her - but THIS, what she’s doing here, THIS has so much to do with it because if she’s fronting, with all her digitised video editing and clever camera angling that this is what she “really” looks like, having lost 30 pounds and achieving a size 4 or 6, it’s not only, um, a major Mimi exaggeration, it’s also really, really irresponsible. Because what she’s implying that what she probably is - closer to an 8, right? come ON now - is unacceptable...

Since when???

And since when has a weight loss video been so...UN-transparent?

What is this supposed to be mean? Why is she tearing out if some kind of pantyhose harem? Is it a striptease or are you showing me how skinny you are? If that’s the case, give me some f-cking light, woman! How am I supposed to appreciate the results when you’ve got the Moroccan Room mood lighting up in here??? And if you’re so proud of what you’ve achieved, the obvious question is WHY do you have to go to so many shenanigans to show it off?!?

Still...I love her. I mean, all the things I have always loved about Mimi make up this entire video. What else could we have possibly expected from Mimi? And, as you’d expect, along with the imagery comes her words, her words, her words about her favourite subject: herself.

Carey says she had a few indulgences during her pregnancy, including sugary drinks, soul food and pizza. But she doesn't know how much weight she gained because she didn't weigh herself. "I was walking around the house, pregnant and miserable, looking at mirrors and saying: "Why did I put so many mirrors in my house?' "


You laughed!

By the way, something else to make you laugh, at least it makes me laugh, because the visual...

Apparently Mimi sticks to only “aquatic” workouts. When I think Mimi in the water, all I ever picture is this.

Anyway, click here for more on Mariah and Jenny.

And below...

Enjoy. Enjoy it SO.MUCH.

There is another version here.