Dear Gossips,

I got home a bit late last night after work. I had dinner. I asked Jacek not to speak to me. I took a shower. I put on a mask. Two shots of Baileys over ice. All of those conditions needed to be in place so that I could properly enjoy… a new think-piece on… Mariah Carey. Mimi. Our butterfly voluptuary.

Mimi gets a lot of media coverage, but she doesn’t typically get a lot of long article coverage because, well, on the surface, it’s not that complicated. She likes champagne, diamonds, baths – preferably all three in combination – and if the titties are up and you give her a mirror, mirror to tell her she’s the skinniest butterfly in all the land, she’s happy. Or… maybe… that’s just how she’s always intended it to be perceived? As Pier Dominguez writes in Buzzfeed, Mimi exists in an “in-between” space, vacillating between being regarded (quite rightly) as a once-in-a-lifetime talent and, well, a silly caricature. But both of those sides, and Mimi’s other multitudes, are critical to her success – and her failures. Pier Dominguez argues that Mimi matters. OF COURSE SHE MATTERS! And she matters not just because of her musical gifts but also because of how she presents herself to us – in all manner of fancy underwear and, always, under a thick layer of glitter. This is the study of the possibly elusive without sarcasm Mariah Mimi Bianca Carey.

Also, can we talk about Mimi in the promotional poster for her upcoming All The Hits tour with Lionel Richie? You ever been to Vegas and get those stripper peep-show cards shoved in your hand on the Strip? If you had no idea that Mariah Carey was a singer, would you think, from the image they chose of her – let’s be honest, that she chose of herself – that she’s a singing-songwriting legend? It is absurd. And it is perfect.

Yours in gossip,