Matthew McConaughey married Camila Alves this weekend on his property in Austin, Texas. She is the mother of his two children. They’ve been together almost 7 years. McConaughey is 42. I love that this is his first time. And because it’s his first time, I think they might make it. Naive? (PS I heard a story recently that a bride-to-be, while picking her dress, said to her friends - it’s my first wedding so I can wear white. Is this the attitude these days?)

Anyway, as you can see, instead of having his guests stay at nearby hotel, Matthew graciously set up luxury tents with individual air condition units around his estate. It’s a great idea and I’m sure he was the most considerate host possible and this next thought isn’t about him at all but rather about me and my own issues because when I read about the arrangements the only detail I fixated on was, um, where people went to use the facilities. That looks like a LOT of tents. And I don’t like having far to go in the middle in the night when I have to pee. Also, you’d have to put your shoes on before peeing. Did he set up those luxury portable toilets? Perhaps. But my tent would have to be really, REALLY far from where it was stationed. If not, I wouldn’t ask to switch but then I’d obsess about it all night and sniff the air and worry about the wind knocking it over. Also since I shower a minimum of three times a day, I would feel weird having to use the shower in the main house so much when everyone else, especially the groom, because it’s Matthew McConaughey after all, was walking around all comfortable and sweaty. You people who can go camping freely no problem, without the burden of toilet and hygiene neuroses, you don’t know how lucky you are. I would have had to stay at the hotel, inevitably missing some of the fun because I’d have to travel back and forth. That said, I’m never the one who smells ripe. Like, really? You don’t shower before you go to bed?  You get into bed with an entire day’s worth of dirt on you? I find this particularly weird for women because, you know, there’s not a lot of breathing room down there, if you know what I mean. Unless of course you’re the kind of person who travels everywhere with wipes, in which case fine. But I’m pretty sure most of you don’t roll with wipes all the time. Two showers a day should be the minimum standard. 

Here are some shots of the McConaughey grounds on wedding day and the McConaughey’s heading to Texas from LA with their kids last week in advance of the celebration. The exclusive photos from the ceremony will appear in PEOPLE’s next issue.