Matthew McConaughey was the only returning acting winner who did not walk the carpet at the Oscars last night. So I totally forgot about it. And was actually surprised to see him when he did come out to present Best Actress.

Am trying to decide why they scheduled it that way. Some of you are really excited that they put the Best Actress category after the Best Actor category like it was more important, even though it was also the most obvious. And I hope, I really do, that their intention was to honour Julianne. But I also wonder if it wasn’t because of the draw that is McConaughey, to make people wait for him to show up. Because, well, he’s a thing, McConaughey. He’s the one who rates coast to coast and all stops in between.

And he does always, reliably, give us something. When he read out Marion Cotillard’s name, our entire room burst out in joy and laughter like it was intentional comedy. He turned her name into a sex position. And now I want someone to build one of those apps where you can find out how your name sounds like when it’s been McConaughey-ed.