Was on a call the other day with a Hollywood type figuring out award season races and the conversation turned to Michael Fassbender. He’s all over Michael Fassbender. Everyone is all over Michael Fassbender after the year he’s had. And the consensus, while the glow still surrounds him, seems to be that Michael Fassbender is the current all-purpose actor: superhero, degenerate, period pieces, romance, comedy, whatever.

At this point the discussion devolved into immaturity. I think the route we took was this: Fassy can do anything, but can he play his own twin sister in a holiday comedy about Jack & Jill? Can he run really fast and clench his jaw and hang off the Burj Khalifa? Can he rewrite the script for Friends With Benefits? Can he bring it on down to Liquorville?

Oh, serious tip: can he sing?

So then I started googling. There, a discovery: Michael Fassbender can’t sing. Although some of you who are particularly hard for him will probably argue that he’s not bad live-screeching Twist & Shout. No. That is your horny bitch talking for you.

Am also attaching his screen test for Lynn Hirschberg because it might be the most attracted I’ve ever been to him and I kinda need to see if after the singing.

Here’s Michael at the Paris premiere of Shame today.