Miley Cyrus’s new video for Adore You was supposed to drop today but leaked yesterday instead. Happy Christmas!

There’s no surprise reveal from what was teased previously. This is the video version of a dick pic – except with much better lighting and production value. Miley is writhing around – sometimes wet – in a bed and in the shower, letting her lover know that she’s thinking of him. But, really, maybe, thinking of herself. Self-pleasure is, after all, self-adoration, non? And, yes, we should all know how to adore ourselves. Where to touch, where to rub…although I’m not sure how good that feels when your nails are that long and that pointy. Have always wondered about this. And all of you with long ass nails need to fill me in. How does that not scrape? When my nails grow even just a little, I find it hard to type, let alone stimulate myself. It’s hard to access to the padding of your fingertip to maximise the massage area, right? The easy answer to all of this, obviously, is that you don’t have to worry about it because you’re using your vibrator. Fine. But what if you want to kick if old school for a change? Sometimes I find the buzzing from a vibrator really distracting.

I really hope she performs this at the Grammys. Madonna did it during the Blonde Ambition tour and when she came to Toronto they threatened to arrest her. God, how far we’ve come.