Much of the online chatter today is about JailBait’s new video for Can’t Be Tamed. Because she’s so f-cking wild, yo. It’s a departure, obviously, from the sugar gum wholesome sweetness that has characterised her career so far Disney-styles. But in textbook child star fashion, Miley’s on her Maturity Mission. She’s now 17. Which means she’s a total grown-up. And so it’s time to break out the Britney Lindsay only in her case it’s so totally original. This is my favourite thing about teenagers. Everything they do, everything they feel, they believe it’s never been done or felt before.

So here’s Miley writhing around in a cage and yelling about being misunderstood and group dancing in a shuffle, not unlike how Britney Spears group danced in a shuffle in Slave 4 U. Only not as good. Not even close. Because Slave 4 U was the f-cking gold star. And this Miley business, well, quite simply, I’m just not sure the camera loves her the way it did her predecessor. That’s what made Britney Britney, right? There is something about Britney, though she was never the prettiest or the best at anything, that was so intensely watchable. Reviewing the Slave video after all this time, it’s a sad reminder about why she was/is who she was/is. And then comparing it to Miley’s... it’s a huge difference. Don’t blame the budget either. Miley’s corset alone is valued at $25K.

So while Miley’s effort is nothing compared to Britney’s standard, it does rank much closer in feel and quality to Lindsay Lohan’s Rumours. There are, obviously, a few differences but it’s the tone, it’s the lack of polish, it’s the imitation factor that makes it similar, and it’s all so blatant too, although Lilo’s version is a little on the budget side. Like cheap ass sh-t.

But remember what she used to look like? How cute? And how sh-t that f-cking song was? And how she really, really can’t sing? That was 2004. Now it’s Miley’s time in the sun. So what happens in 6 years?

If you have time, watch back to back to back. It’s pretty amazing.