Am inviting all kinds of calamity on my Chinese ass for this but I have to tell you, this Miley Cyrus cheating mother story is about as smutty as it gets. But hey, I’m not the one who cheated. And not with BRETT F-CKING MICHAELS!!!

Us Weekly is reporting that this is why they’re divorcing. That Tish Cyrus was getting down with Brett behind Billy Ray’s back, and maybe some other dudes too, and that Billy Ray found out and is severing her ass from his home. OMG.

Of course both Tish Cyrus and Michaels are denying it. Please. PLEASE. I want that sex tape. I won’t watch that sex tape – sick! – but I want it to exist. So badly. Because remember how wholesome they’re supposed to be? Remember how righteous? Remember when the little one danced on a pole? Remember how she dressed up for Halloween? Remember that Tish Cyrus manages Miley’s career? Some sh-t can never be cleaned. It’s the ilk. You can’t change the ilk.

And then there’s the offspring. Just a matter of time. You throw all this on top of her parental pimping duties and now suddenly Dina Lohan has a new best friend. Or rival.

Jacek particularly likes the tattoo over the beltline.

Photo from WireImage/