Today my mission is to get you guys to officially approve the creation of a subcategory of Girl Sh-t, called Naomi Sh-t. I’ll get down to the specifics of what Naomi Sh-t includes in a minute but first the story behind my inspiration, which is the news that one of the contestants from The Face is now f*cking Naomi’s boyfriend! Are you also having Models Inc flashbacks? Good, because this story just gets better.
It’s pretty unlikely that you watched The Face with any regularity but you may remember that it followed the same team format as The Voice, with Naomi mentoring her own group of wannabe models. Well now the most successful member of Team Naomi has been photographed, on a boat in Ibiza, kissing, groping and straddling Vladimir Doronin, the sexy Bond villain/hotel magnet Ms. Campbell dated for the last five years, until they broke up this spring.
The model in question is named Luo Zilin who was Miss Universe China 2011. Am I allowed to assume her pageant career was the perfect training ground for teaching her to steal Russian billionaires away from supermodels? Is that unfair to pageant people? I should probably be more sympathetic because, while Luo’s life now includes one extra dick, she’s minus a job. She’s already been fired from her model management agency over the scandal, even though she’s denied it all on Twitter. I love a good denial despite photographic evidence. Keep sticking to that story, Luo.
I do, actually, think Lou is making all the right moves here though. Being a third tier model in New York, where minorities are grossly underrepresented in the fashion world, would definitely suck. She’d be getting all of the dieting and stress without any of the work or money. I think sacrificing that crappy career for a trip f*cking your way across Europe is totally worth it (apparently Leo’s with them!). Also, she’s managed to do in a week what Tyra Banks has failed to do for 20 years – beat Naomi! A stolen boyfriend, a free vacation, and she defeated of one of the most feared names in fashion? No misogyny intended but I don’t know how else to describe this than as the ultimate Bad B*tch Move.
Which leads me back to the birth of Naomi Sh-t. Like Girl Sh-t, Naomi Sh-t is ego driven, it’s sneaky, it’s nature’s best gossip source. What’s special about Naomi Sh-t is the high/low factor. There’s always an element that is pretty trashy and Jerry Springer-ish, like assaulting someone with a cell phone, being forced into community service, or theft. On the other hand, there’s always something really glamorous going on: the cell-phone assault took place on a private jet, or the community service becomes a spread in W Magazine, the stolen goods are a fortune of blood diamonds.
Do you guys approve? Do you love Naomi Sh-t? I do. I love everything about this story and something this demented will certainly not die down quickly, so we’ll keep you posted.
Attached -- Naomi in London at the Glamour Awards last night.