No imagination. No creativity. I don’t care that it was Lanvin. Go to a mid-range department store right now, head for the evening wear section and you’ll find this dress in various shades of peach and mahogany, definitely black, and most certainly red. Maybe not such an full shade of red, but it’s not really that pronounced of a difference.

What are you saying with a gown like this? Do you mean to tell me you’re a mother now and therefore must remove any trace of frivolity? That wardrobe selection is a girl’s pursuit, and one you no longer care to indulge in? Or is it because you know that we know that the baby weight is gone. And you could have chosen to accentuate it but you don’t want us to think you’re vain like that so you’re going out of your way not to go there?

Whatever, Natalie Portman. Look at Natalie Portman. She could still play virginal Juliet* to Leonardo’s Romeo now, even having given birth, even underneath that dress for a former first lady.

*Portman was apparently first offered the Juliet part in Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo & Juliet. But after shooting a few scenes with Leonardo DiCaprio, she looked so young, even next to him, that it seemed as though he was touching her inappropriately.  This is one of my favourite Hollywood factoids.  I always try to picture Portman in the role...and they were right, I never can.