That’s not a euphemism. Nick Jonas performed a song called Bacon last night at the VMAs. His performance opened with him in a kitchen, holding a fresh plate of bacon. This is how most of my daydreams about Nick also open. The performance went downhill from there.

Nick goes from the kitchen to a diner straight out of a budget high-school production of Grease: Live. Fittingly, DNCE, who played Johnny Casino and the Gamblers in the actual Grease: Live, made a cameo in this performance as Joe Jonas attempted to steal some of his little brother’s air time. Nick and DNCE take a selfie with some other “famous” people but I don’t know who any of them are because, like the VMAs kept reminding me last night, I’M GETTING OLD.

At some point Nick flirts with Ashley Graham (I know her!). Then, all of a sudden, the Rydell High rip-off diner turns into the white summer camp version of Rihanna’s party performance as everyone pretends to be having the time of their lives while Nick does some choreography on a table. Have I mentioned that Nick is wearing the BEST leather varsity tracksuit and I want it in my life? I need it in my life.

Anyway, how do we get rid of Ty Dolla Sign? The performance transitioned from the diner to the streets of New York where Ty Dolla Sign made me realize he’s the perfect match for Rita Ora. They are both so unnecessary. Nick Jonas closed out his performance on the top of a fire truck. That’s how most of my daydreams about Nick also close.

Here’s the full performance: