I don’t care that JLO tried to fight Justin Timberlake’s ego with her leg. I don’t care that she couldn’t resist making the moment about her leg when she was presenting an award. I actually thought “I got the memo” was funny. And besides, oh I’m sorry, I missed the part when we all started expecting JLO to show up somewhere and be humble.

The point is, she can shove her leg wherever she wants, I don’t give a sh-t.

But I do give a sh-t what she’s wrapping it around. In the front row. Slum Love Bears in the front row. And clinging on to his hand like it’s something to be proud of, seated next to an Oscar winner with a much better sense of her own position. Nicole Kidman would never take a backup dancing golddigger to the Oscars, I promise you.

And what could Nicole learn from JLO?

Maybe some rhythm?

This was news for some of you, Kidman’s lack of it. So...you haven’t seen this?

I hated Nicole’s entire look last night. The dress was Vera Wang and totally underwhelming by her high standards. And the hair was terrible and the makeup needed a lift. Still, there was something endearing in the way that she tried to match Keith Urban’s enthusiasm. He clearly loved the show. He loved the performances. He sang along to almost every single song. He stood up when the music moved him. And she stood with him and tried to dance, just like she did in honour of Simon Baker. Which I find totally adorable, so much more relaxed and free than the woman who cannot stop obsessing about her face. Can she come out and play more often?