Yeah so this whole doting wife, delicate flower sh*t is getting as old as her face. Look at them! Look at Gran and her man getting all emotional on us on the carpet – because posing in front of hundreds of screaming journalists and fans is exactly the place to perform a nuzzle forehead and really mean it.

Freeze… please

And what happened to her style? Once upon a time, Nicole Kidman owned it on every occasion. She approached it like a role, with meticulous precision, Nicole Kidman spent years perfecting red carpet glory – now that she’s pregnant, it’s all gone to matron. 

A matron. This is what Keith Urban paraded around with last night.

As for her face… it actually wasn’t as scary as we’ve seen in the past. Still completely unnatural, and of course her forehead wasn’t going anywhere but there’s a subtle weight gain that has added some softness around her cheeks and her jaw so that she’s no longer an eerily frozen statue, but simply a desperate woman trying to stay young.

And pretending to be modest.

So Granny shows up – one of the last to arrive. No interviews but of course takes her sweet time posing for the paps…then plays it all attention-phobe for the rest of night.

Oh really? Then why stand there with minutes before kick off pimping your contracted marriage for photographers? You know there’s a private entrance right? You know that walking the carpet is not a requirement right? 

Why the late arrival? Because that way she doesn’t have to fight anyone else for attention. Because that way most photogs have a clear shot of her unblocked by a million other people. Tom taught her well. When are people going to stop believing this Sweet Nicole fantasy?

I was in the press room just before the start of the show when I realised I dropped by seat assignment. So I had to backtrack through Hollywood & Highland where my papers were lying just above the staircase into the auditorium.

Nicole and Keith were hustling for the doors when he said something to her and she turned her head, in slow motion, and narrowed her eyes.

Freeze was displeased about something there, gossips. My smutty sense went bananas. 

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