Nicole honey, we get it. You’re NOT old…you’re just oldER. Which doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t still be hotter than anyone else, and you definitely have the body to prove it but for the desperation. The frozen desperation that has paralysed your forehead and swollen your lips, to say nothing of the granny blonde at your temples, in sharp contrast to the baby smoothness of your face – it’s a creepy juxtaposition. And pathetic too. Especially when you dress the entire package up in a very short transparent dress, as if to say – I might be 40 but I’m still desirable. Look at my bum.

Yes, Nicole. Indeed you are desirable. Or at least you would be if you weren’t so busy trying hard to be.

Here’s Granny Freeze making an entrance at the ARIA Awards in Australia at the weekend. She accompanied her employee husband Keith Urban who was honoured during the ceremony for Best Country Album.

Needless to say, Nicole’s figure is spectacular, as are her legs. But it appears the length of them is sometimes a nuisance. Check out how she’s bending to accommodate Keith. That photo kills me.

Beside Nicole is Delta Goodrem who is super famous in Australia but apparently not famous enough to afford a decent dress. That sh-t looks cheaper than Tara Reid.